Family Hurts

We would go yearly to some of the relatives house that we would not see very often for one reason or another. As a child we never really questions why we did or did not see certain family members, know that our parents knew best. That the underlying reasons that we did not visit, were know in some realm, yet never spoken aloud for any reason. That it was hush, hush, and that is just the way that it has to be right now, you will understand why when you are older. Yet, we grow older and never really ask the questions of why we don't really associate with certain family or visit them as often as others. It is just the family dynamics and that is it.

In reality though, there is so much more going on then we really want to acknowledge. As we venture further into our lives, and relationships become complicated and busy we tend to forget, or push things aside that are not in our lives at the moment. Even if it means walking away from certain family members, or not communicating with them. Yet, we know they are our family, we just are not that close to them and we really are not sure why, other then we just don't know them all that well, and with all the business in our lives who has time for another realtionship right now?

Yet, there is so many reasons under the lost relationships in our lives, whether it be family or friends. There can be a deep hurt, or something so small at the time that we have allowed to grow into so much more that now we have forgotten why we were even mad at them for in the first place. Yet, to put those things behind us is so hard, and to ask them for forgiveness for the wrong doing even if it isn't our fault is just beyond our comprehension! Since they should be the one to say sorry, they did me wrong! Yet as a Christian and a follower of Christ we are to forgive them, even if we did no wrong. By opening that door up and saying simply "I'm sorry for hurting you" By doing this, you are able to free yourself from the burden of the judgment on the other person, and you are able to touch them with the love of Christ. By letting go and allowing that relationship to now grow in Christ you will see how He can transform that hurt and pain into joy along with freedom.

There is so much power in forgiveness. Especially if it is in ones own family. By telling them other member that you now forgive them for holding that grudge, or pain that they have inflicted upon us. We are able to free them from that burden as well and us being free in Christ. We are able to see that person in a new light, one of Love and we are now able to love them as Christ would want us to love them. We are able to help them heal the hurts that are deep within them, by opening those doors of communication not only with you but with the Father in heaven. We are able to show them that by forgiving them, and allowing that wound to close, we are able to find freedom in Christ that we may not have experienced in the past. A freedom that allows you grow and go deeper with God. We are allowing God to work through us on a level that we may not realize, because we have finally let go of that hurt and grudge. As a Christian we are able to show others the true Love of Christ by simply forgiving them.

Forgive them? Never!!!

What would happen to us if we all took God seriously, and not saw going to church as a choir that we had to do on Sunday.  What would it take to take that step and respond to God, and really say  yes to him. That we would go to him and draw near to Him daily, rather then withdrawing from Him on a daily bases other then Sunday in church where we sit and listen to the homily or sermon that is being given. But are we really listening, or are we there cause we have to be there because it is an obligation. What would happen to us we because real worshipers of the Lord, would you still live a life without thinking of God other then on Sundays or would you draw nearer to Him?

Oh, if we draw near to God then everything would change, maybe you would have to start caring about those around you or have to forgive someone in your life. Yet, you are not willing to let go of that pain or hurt, and just flat out don't want to forgive them because they don't deserve to be forgiven by you or by anyone else! Yet, the Father in heaven wants you to forgive them so that you can draw nearer to Him and grown deeply in Him and His love, None of us really deserve to be forgiven, yet Jesus died so that you could be forgiven and be able to come to the Father in heaven without difficulity. None of us truly deserved to have all our sins wiped away and made white as snow in the eyes of the Father, yet out of Love for us He died so that we could live life more fully on earth as we walk with Him.

Not only will the Father draw near to you as you draw near to Him, but you will grow in Christ. You will find that your love for others around you will grow, you may see things a little differently as you walk and worship the Father in Heaven. It is by drawing near to him that we will have peace in our hearts, and comfort to our souls, yet if there is true unforgiveness in us how can we become complete in Christ? How can we forgive some but not others? Yet in the Bible it state we are to forgive someone at least 70x7 times. Imagine if we forgave someone and they changed not only towards you but towards others too and your relationship grew because you came to an understanding with them. Not only did your realtionshup with them grow, but they changed also because you had the heart of forgiveness towards them. What would happen by you letting go and letting God be in charge, letting God deal with the hurt and allowing Him to change you and them at that moment. By allowing God to move in your life He can work thorough you and even change the other person, or at least give you peace on the situtation.  Is peace in you and around you worth forgiving that person? Only you can answer that question.

Depressed Elderly?!

I work with the elderly almost on a daily basis, and when you work with people all the time you tend to notice things, and it does help that I am a nurse. I have seen depression in the elderly population and the little to help them. I can tell you if you are in your 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and even early 60's and you live at home that you will be probally treated differently for depression then if you were living in a nursing home in your 60's, 70's or older. In the general population you call the MD and make the appointment to talk to the doctor about what is going on, the signs and symptoms. Then if they feel you are displaying signs of depression they will refer you out to see a therapist. So that  you may explore the feelings, the root of the issues that may take years to find or months to surface but you are there and want to feel better so you take the risk and develop that therapist / patient relationship that becomes so vital to your well being. This relationship is one that you know in a moment of crisis you can pick up the phone and the one that you talk to will know you, what is going on inside you because you have shared the past and the emotions that goes with all the pain and hardship with them already. So when you are in a moment of need, real need that goes beyond your husband, wife, girlfriends, and all other family members you reach out to them for a word of direction, you know they are there no matter what and will not laugh at you, tell you that you are crazy, rather listen and get you through the moment, hour, or minutes what ever the case may be at the time to bring you back to the place where you are able to function again  in your life, then they will see you in the office usually that day or the following day depending on the time that your crisis occurs. Then you build that relationship til you have the skills to function and live as your need to without feeling as if life is always in the toilet, knowing in the back of your mind that if you need to see the therapist again in the future they are there a phone call away. But what happens if you are sad and in a nursing home, if depression sneeks up on you there now what do you do? Do you dare talk to the nurse? Do you want to have the staff think your crazy, what will your family say? Will they tell your family? Will they be disappointed? After all they are an adult, and they should know how to handle things being they are now old right and have lived all their life and now they are depressed? What do they have to be depressed for they have people all around them all the time, they have relaxation to the max.  Why would the elderly be depressed or have symptoms of depression?  Yet the elderly is a population that depression is rapid in and often can lead to suicide. I cannot say that I have ever heard of a elderly person committing suicide in a nursing home, but the elderly living on their own it has and does happen. The staff in the nursing home start to notice things about the resident and tip them off to the possibility of depression. They then have to call the doctor and get a referral for the resident to see the Psychiatrist. Now, before they resident can run off and talk to the Psychiatrist the family has to be notified and they have to agree to their family member seeing the new doctor (psychiatrist). If their family mainly their power of attorney say no there is nothing that the staff can do other then monitor them, talk to social services and see what they can do on their end. Unless the resident makes threats to harm themselves or others, but you then have to take into account do they have dementia? Is this there dementia talking or is it an expression of their true feelings? The key here is the consistency of staff, knowing  your residents, paying attention to them as their nurse. Talking to them and building that Nurse - Patient relationship. This relationship is vital at this moment, because you are there to take care of them, and that is so much more then passing the medications, and doing dressing changes. This nurse - resident relationship in a nursing home is vital to them and vital to your care of the resident. The nurse in this situation is key, because if you are working and you don't have that vital relationship established, because you are only there to deal with medical issue, pass the medications then you are missing what nursing is all about, it is about taking care of the residents. Yes, that does include the whole person, physical, mental, and spiritual issues. You have to talk to them, get to know them so you can care for them they way that they deserve to be taken care of, you have to care about them in order to reach them and talk to the doctor about the mental health matter that is at hand. So after all the careful consideration you call the family and talk to them about their loved one and they agree that their family member is down, or not acting right and agree for them to see the Psychiatrist. In other cases they were just waiting for the nurse to say something, because they have noticed a change yet were unsure how to approach the subject matter with the nursing staff. So when you finally bring it up they are relieved that they will get the help for their loved one. They agree to them seeing the Psychiatrist to find out what is going on, so then we get the consent signed, and make the appointment. Now depending on the facility the resident may go out or the Psychiatrist may come in to the facility and talk with the resident in their room. After they are seen the Psychiatrist will make recommendations based on their findings when they spoke to the resident. They may recommend a new medication or two, then the Nurse will take the orders and process them, but before anything can be filled, we have to have permission again. The nursing staff will have to call the residents power of attorney and speak to them about what the doctor has recommended for their loved one. If they agree then we get the consent and start the new medication(s), and they sign the paperwork for the new medication(s) when they come in to visit their loved one. Simple right, well not always, sometimes the family refused the medications and then the nurses hands are tied, they can just talk to the resident and their family and refer them to social services. Also if the family doesn't call often or visit often it can take a week or longer to get the consent verbally for the new medication(s). Meanwhile the resident is sad, anxious or what ever the case may be at the time, and the nursing staff cannot help other then talking to the resident or calling and having social services talk to the resident. One thing that is very different is the elderly in the nursing home usually do not have any form of talk therapy. So this is the nurses job to talk to them, help them deal with recent losses in their abilities, death of friends and residents that they are close with along with any other issues that they are experiencing. Again that Nurse - Resident relationship has to be there otherwise they are not going to open up to you as the nurse. The Psychiatrist will follow the resident and monitor the resident's progress, monitor their behaviors, are they getting better, has the nurse and staff seen an improvement in the residents behavior. They will monitor the medication(s) and make the necessary adjusts to the medication(s) as needed. Yet, if there is a change in dosage, frequency then the nurse is calling the power of attorney again to discuss the change and get the consent(s) signed for any changes that need to be made so the resident can enjoy life to the fullest even if they are living in a nursing home. It is a different world if you live in the nursing home and you are depressed, but their is help, if the nurse and staff take the time to know the resident and are not there just for the paycheck. Nursing in a Nursing home is different then any other setting we are more involved with our residents, because we have to be and should want to be for the care of the residents.

Elderly

It is amazing to me how inAmerica we place our elderly, grandparents, parents and other family members into a nursing home and then walk away. How is it that we love and cherish our families yet as we age and they age or a stroke happens that we somehow let go of them and our emotional ties as well. That we place them there to be taken care of because we are not capable of doing it at home then justify to ourselves that we dont need to visit, because they are ok and have there needs met. HOW SAD!!! What about their needs to see family, brothers, sisters, someone in the family, is it really that had to visit them? Is it the setting that scares you. Yes elderly die in the nursing homes, but they are not all on deaths door. Many live for many, many years there before coming even close to death. What is worse is when we place young people there because their is no other option for their care, and never visit because life is too busy. Yet prior to their moving the the nursing home environment the family and friends would find the time to call and visit, so why does the relationship change when the walls that surround them changes?